Forever Missed
by Colabear94
Summary: Just a quick one shot of Maya on the first anniversary of Cam's death.


**Disclaimer: I have absolutely no owner ship of Degrassi!**

I wiped the tears away quickly as I made my way into the school. I knew I looked a mess with my eyes swollen, hair in a frizzy mess, and wearing a pair of old sweat pants and hoodie, but I couldn't bring myself to even care about my appearance today.

Today marked the one year anniversary of Cam's death and as much as I liked to believe I was over it, I still missed him and it still hurt a bit to think about him. A lot has happened since then I off the rails for a while, had a break down, went to Paris, and even had the chance to meet somebody wonderful. Even though I was happy with Miles, I couldn't stop myself from grieving today.

I loved Cam. He was my first everything, and on days like today it's hard to believe he's gone forever. Normally, I tried hard to forget about him, but today I just couldn't do that. With my mind so focused on Cam, I didn't even realize I reached my locker, or that I was crying again, till I heard Miles speak to me.

"Hey Maya" he said cheerfully before taking in my appearance. "Woah, what's wrong?"

"Nothing" I said.

Miles knows nothing about Cam. He knows I did have a boyfriend before but that was it. I was never able to get myself to tell him about that experience. I know he deserves to know, I honestly do but I worked so hard to try and forget about that part of my life that I just couldn't. Every time I even thought about him, I wanted to just break down. Honestly, if I hadn't of looked at the calendar in the kitchen this morning and realized what day it was, I would still be forcing myself to live in oblivion of what happened last year.

"Don't give me anything. You look like crap, no offence"

"It's nothing important" I told him.

"Maya, please, just tell me what's wrong" Miles said looking worried

"Look I don't want to talk about it" I exclaimed before storming off.

I know I wasn't being fair to him, that I should just tell him what's going on but I couldn't. I don't know why, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I made my way to the rubber room for the first portion of my day and plopped down into a seat hoping nobody would acknowledge my presence.

"What's with you princess?" I heard Grace say as she plopped down into the chair next to me.

"Nothing" I mumbled.

"You like Hell and you're just going to tell me nothing" she said "What did your rich boyfriend break up with you or something?"

"No" I said in what I hoped was a tone of finality.

It was then that I noticed Zig walk in. He gave me a sad look before finding a seat as far away from me as he could. I knew he realized what today marked, and I could also tell he still felt guilty about it. I didn't blame him, I mean at first I did, but now I realize that it wasn't his fault. I tried to give him a half smile from across the room but he was pointedly looking anywhere but at me.

"Trust me, you don't want to be friends with Zig, he's trouble" I heard Grace say apparently catching me trying to get his attention.

"I don't think it's any of your business what I do" I snapped, once again at a person who didn't deserve it.

"Whatever, I was just trying to help"

"I know I'm sorry" I told her. "It's just been a rough day"

"I figured that much out on my own believe it or not" she said just as our teacher walked in.

She ended up splitting us up into groups for today. Unfortunately, I ended up partnered with Zig again. I was ok with the idea of giving him a reassuring smile that said we'll make it through the day, but I honestly didn't want to have to spend the next hour working with him.

"Look, I understand if you don't want to work with me" he said.

"It's fine" I replied.

"You don't look like your fine"

"It's just a hard day, you know?" I said trying, and failing, to sound casual but my voice cracked a little from all the crying I've done today.

"Yeah" he replied solemnly "I'm still sorry for what happened though"

"Listen" I said "it wasn't your fault it could have been anybody that set him off"

"Yeah but it wasn't just anybody it was me" quietly shouted.

"Yeah and I should have noticed that something was wrong" I exclaimed fighting to hold in the tears that threatened to escape for what felt like the hundredth time today.

"It's definitely not your fault" Zig said quietly becoming aware of the people starting to listen in.

"And it's not your fault either" I retorted.

"Whatever" Zig said watching as Grace walked over to join us.

"Grell said I have to be in your group since there aren't enough people" she told us before sitting in an empty chair. "Though if you're going to cry I just might take the zero"

I tried my hardest to get through the hour without a problem but my mind kept wandering. I really should have asked my mom to stay home today. My brain seemed to be permanently transfixed on Cam and the short time we had together. I apparently dazed out completely because Grace started snapping her fingers in front of my face, which was beginning to feel wet.

"Hey princess, are you going to help or stare off and cry all day?"

"I gotta go" I said standing up and trying to wipe away my tears.

"Maya wait…" I heard someone say.

My grief seemed to finally have taken over and I ignored them quickly making my way out of the class. I don't know how long I walked for, or how I ended up here, but when I finally calmed down enough to notice my surroundings I found that I was in the greenhouse.

"I don't know if you can hear me or not Cam" I said aloud "but I just want you to know how much I miss you. God, why'd you have to do it? Why'd you have to leave me like this? I wish you would have just asked for help. You know I would've helped you, but I guess you were just too far gone already, huh? I know it's stupid to being crying like this since this is what you wanted but I just can't help it. I miss you so much it hurts. I just hope you're happy with wherever you're at now. I love you, Cam forever and always"

It was then I noticed that the sun had broken through the clouds and was shining down on me. No matter what anybody says, I know in my heart that it was came smiling down on me causing me to crack the first real smile I've given all day.

**A/N: Hope you all enjoyed this little one shot. I know it wasn't my greatest work but I had this idea stuck in my head and it wouldn't let me sleep till I wrote it down. Thought it came out ok though so I decided to post it. Thanks in advance to whoever reads this and double thanks to those of you who leave a review. Also, if anyone has any ideas for future fics that they want me to write let me know because I could always use them!~Colabear94~**


End file.
